From virtual to real: sex for everyone

Types of Virtual Sex

There are many types of virtual sex that individuals can participate in. While some use common technologies, others may use more obscure methods to sexually arouse others or themselves. Here are just a few of the many types of methods for engaging in virtual sex.

Internet Chat – Many people started using AOL specifically to chat with others in hopes of meeting a friend or even a virtual sex partner. As opposed to Internet chat rooms, which offer a group of people the ability to communicate with everyone at once, private chat rooms allow two or more persons to communicate

only with each other. Individuals using these private chat rooms can send sexually explicit chat messages to flirt with and arouse others. Besides chat rooms, standard IM (instant messaging) is also used for virtual sex.

Phone Sex – Phone sex is another common way to engage in virtual sex. While many individuals have engaged in phone sex with a spouse or girl/boyfriend, others use fee-based phone sex services to flirt and engage in sexual conversation. Phone sex is perhaps the most popular method of engaging in virtual sex.

Webcam – Web cameras are more than just a way to talk with parents or friends from college. They are also one of the most popular ways to participate in virtual sex. Using a webcam, users can become aroused from visual stimuli, audio stimuli, and even communicate through text on a computer screen. Webcams are extremely affordable and use the Internet to communicate. There are even pay webcam sites that allow users to interact with others via webcam. Webcams are extremely popular and many individuals have set up a webcam in their home to stream images of their daily habits, including their sex life. Anyone can log on and view the streaming images. With the advent of YouTube, many individuals have recorded sexually explicit video with their webcam and uploaded it for anyone to view.

Viewpoint 1: Virtual Sex Is Real Sex

Those who answer yes to the question point out that people have very "real" responses to things that happen online, and that sex is no different. We can feel joy and sorrow, arousal and disgust, anxiety and calm all while we sit in front of our computer. We also have physical responses (from butterflies in our stomach to physical arousal and orgasm and from full belly laughs to uncontrollable sobbing). We build meaningful relationships and break ups -- and these experiences have repercussions in our real life, thus crossing the line from virtual to real. So if "real sex" includes a psychological, emotional, and physical response to erotic stimulation, then virtual sex would have to count.

For those who argue that real sex requires a human connection or relationship, this too is present for many people who engage in virtual sex as part of their experiences online.

Researchers and therapists who talk about "problematic online sexual behaviors" (usually referred to as things such as watching "too much" internet pornography, engaging in erotic or sexual chat without their partner's knowledge, etc…) also seem to consider virtual sex to have real sex-like implications for relationships. In this case, they might not think virtual sex is "healthy" sex, but they treat it as real, or at least as a real problem.

Viewpoint 2: Virtual Sex Is Not Real Sex

Usually people who say that virtual sex isn't real sex point to the absence of physical contact in virtual sex. It's true that while virtual sex currently engages many senses it doesn't include immediate human touch. No matter how complicated and deeply felt the sexual communications are during virtual sex, if you want to feel touch you have to touch yourself. The field of teledildonics is beginning to address this, but so far the results have been disappointing.

Some people who engage in virtual sex while in relationships say that it's not the same as real sex, which would be cheating. A similar argument has been made in a very different arena by people who look at violent or coercive pornography (whether it involves real people pretending or computer generated images). These people have suggested that virtual interactions stop them from engaging in real interactions that would be harmful to others. This is a highly contentious point with researchers on both sides arguing that virtual experiences either relieve the desire to do something in real life or fuel that desire.

You Can't Compare Virtual Sex To Offline Sex

You may have noticed that both answers to this question are based on comparing "real sex" to virtual sex. There are problems with this approach.

First, it presumes a universally agreed upon understanding of "real sex". This doesn't exist. Indeed we not only lack a full understanding of online sexual interactions and what they mean for people, we don't fully understand offline sexual interactions and their meanings (it's hard to get into the bedrooms of the nation, the doors are usually closed and locked when researchers come knocking). If we are trying to answer this question by comparing off line sex to online sex we're still missing too many pieces to make a fair comparison.

We can also wonder about the logic of using offline sexuality as the standard of "real sex." It's possible that people who grow up with easy access to virtual spaces and new technologies may have a different experience of sexuality both on and offline than those who don't. In this case we aren't comparing apples to apples, and when we try to do so we may miss much of the richness and complexity of online sexual development.

The Bottom Line

If this question is ultimately about individual experience, the bottom line is that for many people virtual sex is real sex. These interactions are meaningful and can impact aspects of their whole lives. Like all sexual interactions, they can be both healthy and unhealthy. And for others, virtual sexual interactions may be more like playing a video game, a temporary amusement that doesn't carry deeper meaning or impact other aspects of their life.

If you are trying to come up with a social or cultural answer, the results will be less clear. Technologies, and our uses of them, are so new and most public discussion, even when framed by professionals, is far from objective. Media engagement with these issues tends to be superficial and sensationalist.

So where does this leave us? Well, we need to begin by acknowledging that the way we answer this question for ourselves has as much, if not more, to do with our values and beliefs about sexuality than it has to do with technology or what any individual is actually doing online. It also means we have to talk to each other and share those values and beliefs as well as live with the uncomfortable fact that some questions will never have neat answers.

Other Forms of Virtual Sex

While most forms of virtual sex rely on visual or audio stimuli, new sexual arousal and masturbation methods have been created. For instance, devices that are connected to a computer via USB and can be controlled remotely from the Internet have been created for masturbation. These devices include USB dildos and USB pocket pussies. These devices can enhance virtual arousal between individuals through tactile sensation. These devices are the first in a possible long line of devices that will simulate the act of intercourse and other types of sex between individuals over communications equipment.

Less popular types of virtual sex include interactive video games and DVDs. In interactive games such as Video Strip Poker, the player must win games in order to remove a piece of clothing. With interactive DVDs, a porn actress can be controlled to engage in sex acts by manipulating the DVD menu or selecting scenes.

Advantages of Virtual Sex

Obviously, one of the many advantages of participating in virtual sex is that it is generally safe. There is absolutely no risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease and no transfer of bodily fluids.

For couples in a relationship who are unable to meet each other in person, virtual sex offers an interesting and exciting way to arouse one another sexually and maintain a sexual bond. It is suggested that the average virtual sex participant is engaging in virtual sex with a romantic partner (e.g. spouse or boy/girlfriend).

Virtual sex is also an easy way to engage in sexual arousal. For those with a busy schedule or those who are too shy to meet others in person, virtual sex is a great way to meet new and interesting people and arouse each other.

Virtual sex is usually very affordable and convenient. Participants do not have to go out on a date or spend a long amount of time with someone in order to engage in virtual sex.

Risks of Virtual Sex

One of the biggest problems with virtual sex is that it can be easy for adults to prey on minors. Child predators are a very real danger, especially on websites with lots of underage traffic. However, for most adults, virtual sex is safe and harmless.

Virtual sex methods such as fee-based phone chat and webcam services can be extremely expensive. It is common to spend $1 or $2 per minute to engage in phone sex or webcam sex.

Virtual sex can be detrimental to some adults by making it easier to have a virtual sex life than to create emotional bonds with people in the real world.